I recently had a conversation with a friend that really forced me to dig deep emotionally and accept that some people really do enter our lives for a reason, some for a season, and a select few for a lifetime. This particular person has been a friend since preschool. We have had our ups and downs and even went several years at a time without talking or seeing each other. We have been in and out of each other lives for going on 33 years now. During different life stages and events in each of our lives we've touched base, gotten caught up, and have "checked in" on one another. We both know that at the end of the day, we can always count on each other. We have proven this to each other time and time again. As we celebrated this about our friendship, we started talking about other relationships in each of our lives that have both lifted us up, and disappointed us. We both admit that it is hard to accept that you've gone out of your way to help others and support them through certain life events, but when you need the support or help, those same people are silent, make excuses, or are no longer available or interested in you and your life events/stage.
The thing I find hard to accept is that I was "there" for others, helped raise their kids, and supported them through rough times, even taking them into my home if necessary to see them through their troubled times, and being their "wing man" as they searched for their significant others night after night and in hindsight wonder if I was just being used. Was I a friend of convenience? Was I placed in their lives for that reason? Was I just meant to be there for their season of strife? Or to them, was I simply their single friend with "no other obligations?" I saw them through bad relationships and beak ups. I supported them through their times of joy and celebration. I helped them when their kids were little. I attended their functions. I went to recitals and games for their kids... The whole of my twenties was about other people and their families.
Then at 29, I finally met my Prince. It was my turn to get married and have a family. I got down the aisle, said "I do" and they said, "See ya later!" Our first year was rough. We suffered the loss of a baby after months of fertility treatment (miscarriage at 10 weeks) and fought over whether we should try again. It almost broke us. We weren't sure we could handle another loss. It was the most emotional year of my life. We took in my step son who resented me for being concerned for his success and staying active in his education and keeping lines of communication open with his teachers and school administrators. We struggled with our relationship with my husband's ex wife and family, and I was desperately trying to build a relationship with my step daughter all while encouraging my husband to do the same. Lets just say, it was a rough year. These "friends" were not around and to this day don't know anything about what my life has been like for the past 8 years. We were finally blessed with our first son in 2010. These "friends" were not around. We had twins in 2014. These "friends" are not around. I have "friends" who haven't even met my twins who will be 10 months old next week. They have only seen my (almost five year old) son a couple times at best.
It breaks my heart because these "friends" once meant the world to me (still do if I'm being honest). I would literally give them the shirt off of my back if they needed it. The hardest lesson for me to accept is that there are certain people that aren't meant to fit into my life no matter how much I want them to or how much I miss them. I wonder, do they even know how I feel? Do they miss me? Do they even think about me? Are they reading this and thinking, "Its not me she is referring to." How do you cut your losses and move on when you feel like these people are taking a piece of you with them when they chose to exit from your life? Why is it so hard to accept that if someone seriously wants to be a part of your life, they will make an effort to be in it without making excuses?
I am so very thankful for the few close friends that I know I can count on regardless of age and/or life stages we are in. I would rather have loyal and true friendships than fake ones that are built simply for convenience. I pray that the Lord bless me with the discernment to realize the difference and the strength to let go and not look back.
No comments:
Post a Comment