As I went through the motions of my day I thought about the fact that as a sleep deprived mom of a four year old and 5 month old twins, I tend to be too reactionary as a parent. Especially when both babies are crying and my four year old wants something (and he wants it NOW!), or is into something he shouldn't be in to (He is in a stage; I hope it is just a stage!). He sometimes insists on doing things his way regardless of what I've asked him to do, and even warned him how not to do things for his own safety. He likes to learn lessons the hard way. Yes, this sometimes means falling down, getting hurt, or occasionally breaking something (so far no bones!).
As the adult, I can't use the "I'm tired" excuse, because years from now when my kids look back on these days, they won't think, "Poor mom, she was so tired. We really tested her." They will think, "Wow. Mom was a B! She yelled a lot." That is NOT what I want. I don't want to be thought of as "that mom" who (over)reacts to things that in hindsight are really not that big of a deal. So what if the four year old is helping himself to marshmallows for breakfast because I'm busy nursing the babies or he chooses to pour his own RED Kool-Aid in the middle of the kitchen floor and gets more on the tile than in his cup. He won't remember the mess or the sugar crash that ensued two hours later. He will remember the tantrum mommy threw when she snapped at him for getting into things by himself and without permission.
I have to remind myself to breathe. To take a step outside of myself sometimes...to think before I speak as my mom always told me I should when I got upset growing up. I don't want to regret things I say to my children or the reactions I give them when they do something I'm not happy about at the time. I want to teach them. Mold them. Guide them. They will be better kids and later adults because of it. I want to respond to these types of situations in a more positive way. Instead of getting on to them for making a mess, I need to let them know that I appreciate them trying to be a big kid and doing things for themselves, but that they need to ask for help until they are able to be more independent. I need to have conversations with them about their choices. Not give them lecture after lecture. I need to redirect and not belittle them or take my frustrations out on them. There will still be consequences for their decisions (wise or poor) and they need to know that. I can control how they learn from their missteps and I need to lead by example whether I've had sleep or not. I will need to take a pause and take in all of the facts. Was the four year old just trying to help? Was he being a "big boy" in doing something for himself? Is there a lesson to be learned from the situation we've found ourselves in? Did he really mean to hit his little brother upside the head with the bouncy ball? Is he acting out because I need to spend more time with him? Is there something I need to do differently? Did he know that he wasn't allowed to help himself to breakfast?
From this day forward I am challenging myself to be more of a responsive parent and less of a reactionary parent in every situation. I will look for opportunities to help my children grow into responsible, respectful adults and take advantage of teachable moments. I don't want to escalate problems or increase stress for myself or my family. I want to be more gentle in my responses and dissipate conflict in my home. It will allow for better (more positive) outcomes and better overall health (mentally, physically, and psychologically!). It may take extra prayer and meditation but it is a new personal goal and my children WILL hold me accountable.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Tokens of our kids...
I finally had an opportunity to have a night out with friends this past Friday. I was loading up the twins to take them to my parents house and my husband and our four year old helped me get them and our things into the car before heading out for some fun of their own. As I was getting in my car, my son handed me one of his "favorite balls." He told me with the sweetest voice that he wanted me to take it with him because he would miss me and that I would miss him. Of course I put it in my purse and gave him a hug and kiss before saying goodbye. As I began closing my car door, he yelled, "I'll miss you but my ball gets to go with you so its okay. Be careful. I love you mommy." This boy steals my heart daily with his cuteness!
As I drove to my parents house, it got me thinking about one of my best friends whom I've traveled with on many occasions. She ALWAYS took a stuffed animal with her that belonged to her daughter. I didn't really "get it" then...I do now. There are several things that you learn after you become a parent. This is one of those things. Your kids are a part of you and with you wherever you go, yes, but when you are away from them you find comfort in having a token that represents them in some way. For my friend, it was a stuffed animal. For some, it is simply pictures in a wallet. For me, this small ball stuffed inside my purse gave me a sense of comfort and reminded me of what precious gifts I get to go home to after my night out with friends. I did peek into my very small (can barely hold my lipstick, cell phone, and car keys sized) purse and smiled when I saw this small ball ready to bust out and make a scene a couple times while enjoying dinner and drinks. It was a great reminder of how times have changed since getting married and becoming a mom. It also confirmed that I don't miss it...the night life. I know where my heart belongs each evening and where I want to be. I will continue to do things that allow me mental breaks and girl time, but I will never regret not dusting off my dancing boots or taking shots with friends every weekend like I did in my twenties.
The conversations have changed too. Instead of playing drinking games and daring each other to talk to the cute guy across the bar, we discuss night time feedings, our husbands, and our children. We wouldn't have it any other way.
Does anyone else have these "tokens" that they carry around with them whether their kids are witwh them or not? Please share in the comments!! XO Cheers!
As I drove to my parents house, it got me thinking about one of my best friends whom I've traveled with on many occasions. She ALWAYS took a stuffed animal with her that belonged to her daughter. I didn't really "get it" then...I do now. There are several things that you learn after you become a parent. This is one of those things. Your kids are a part of you and with you wherever you go, yes, but when you are away from them you find comfort in having a token that represents them in some way. For my friend, it was a stuffed animal. For some, it is simply pictures in a wallet. For me, this small ball stuffed inside my purse gave me a sense of comfort and reminded me of what precious gifts I get to go home to after my night out with friends. I did peek into my very small (can barely hold my lipstick, cell phone, and car keys sized) purse and smiled when I saw this small ball ready to bust out and make a scene a couple times while enjoying dinner and drinks. It was a great reminder of how times have changed since getting married and becoming a mom. It also confirmed that I don't miss it...the night life. I know where my heart belongs each evening and where I want to be. I will continue to do things that allow me mental breaks and girl time, but I will never regret not dusting off my dancing boots or taking shots with friends every weekend like I did in my twenties.
The conversations have changed too. Instead of playing drinking games and daring each other to talk to the cute guy across the bar, we discuss night time feedings, our husbands, and our children. We wouldn't have it any other way.
Does anyone else have these "tokens" that they carry around with them whether their kids are witwh them or not? Please share in the comments!! XO Cheers!
SAHM
It hit me! I am a stay at home mom. My teacher friends returned to work this week and as I scrolled through my Facebook wall, I read post after post about the return to a new school year. I love seeing the excitement of new beginnings. I think that's what keeps teachers going back for more. They get to start new every year, as do the students from year to year. It is a clean slate. A new year brings new opportunities for learning and growth. I do miss seeing my friends and colleagues. I don't miss scrambling to get a classroom ready, planning and presenting professional development, or stressing over a never ending to do list. Oh wait, I still have a never ending to do list...I still wear many hats. I'm a stay at home mom! LOL! I'm still a teacher, counselor, librarian, lunch lady, custodian, and more. My plate is still full, but so is my heart. I LOVE that I get to stay home and focus on my family this year.
I've had a long summer to think about what I'm going to do as a SAHM that will allow me to provide a Pre-K education for my four year old while simultaneously taking care of the twins (who are now 5 months old). The following list will allow me to stay on track as the year progresses and hopefully, help me keep my sanity!
1. SET A ROUTINE: I must put a routine in place, just as I did when I was a teacher, if a set routine and schedule isn't in place, I will lose my head and my kids will not do well. We all need consistency in routines so I have made a weekly plan to get things done (such as grocery shopping, chores, field trips, play dates, etc.).
2. GET OUT: If we don't get out of the house once in a while we will all go stir crazy. I plan to leave the house every few days for field trips to the local museum, zoo, library, and parks. It will be great for the kids, as they will be able to socialize and I will hopefully get to meet new people and talk to other stay at home moms.
3. GET EXERCISE: Everyone needs an outlet to relieve stress. Some days that will be by way of the gym, while others, I will simply run around and play with the kids. They will have energy to get out and I will get fit! I love that I can slim down while having fun and spending time with my littles. It will help me stay sane too.
4. FIND TIME FOR ME: It will be so important that I find time for myself. Whether it is with girlfriends, my husband, or completely alone to enjoy a nice bubble bath or hit the mall sans kids.
5. BLOCK OUT QUALITY TIME WITH EACH CHILD: It will be hard to balance my time between all three kids, so I will set a goal for myself to spend time with each one doing something they love. They will each need my undivided attention. I will give it to them. I hope that this will lessen the chance of tantrums and let them know that they are important. They are the reason I'm staying home after all. I need to be present for my children. This may mean that on especially demanding days, the laundry won't get done or the dishes will have to wait until after bedtime.
6. JOIN GROUPS: I think it is important to have people in your life that can relate to your current life stage. I will make an effort to attend play groups and mom activities. I will need this outlet perhaps more than anything. I will be open and honest with other moms, seek advice, and ask for help when necessary.
7. SPEND TIME WITH SPOUSE: It is more important now than ever that hubby and I spend quality time together. Not just debriefing on our days and what is going on with the kids, but on us. Once we tell each other about what is going on in our daily lives apart from one another so as to keep each other from imploding, we will make a transition to being each other's best friend and partner. We will continue to date each other. We must continue to find time for intimacy and quality time away from the kids.
Please feel free to add tips/suggestions in the comments below. How do you keep your sanity as a stay at home mom?
~Hugs!
I've had a long summer to think about what I'm going to do as a SAHM that will allow me to provide a Pre-K education for my four year old while simultaneously taking care of the twins (who are now 5 months old). The following list will allow me to stay on track as the year progresses and hopefully, help me keep my sanity!
1. SET A ROUTINE: I must put a routine in place, just as I did when I was a teacher, if a set routine and schedule isn't in place, I will lose my head and my kids will not do well. We all need consistency in routines so I have made a weekly plan to get things done (such as grocery shopping, chores, field trips, play dates, etc.).
2. GET OUT: If we don't get out of the house once in a while we will all go stir crazy. I plan to leave the house every few days for field trips to the local museum, zoo, library, and parks. It will be great for the kids, as they will be able to socialize and I will hopefully get to meet new people and talk to other stay at home moms.
3. GET EXERCISE: Everyone needs an outlet to relieve stress. Some days that will be by way of the gym, while others, I will simply run around and play with the kids. They will have energy to get out and I will get fit! I love that I can slim down while having fun and spending time with my littles. It will help me stay sane too.
4. FIND TIME FOR ME: It will be so important that I find time for myself. Whether it is with girlfriends, my husband, or completely alone to enjoy a nice bubble bath or hit the mall sans kids.
5. BLOCK OUT QUALITY TIME WITH EACH CHILD: It will be hard to balance my time between all three kids, so I will set a goal for myself to spend time with each one doing something they love. They will each need my undivided attention. I will give it to them. I hope that this will lessen the chance of tantrums and let them know that they are important. They are the reason I'm staying home after all. I need to be present for my children. This may mean that on especially demanding days, the laundry won't get done or the dishes will have to wait until after bedtime.
6. JOIN GROUPS: I think it is important to have people in your life that can relate to your current life stage. I will make an effort to attend play groups and mom activities. I will need this outlet perhaps more than anything. I will be open and honest with other moms, seek advice, and ask for help when necessary.
7. SPEND TIME WITH SPOUSE: It is more important now than ever that hubby and I spend quality time together. Not just debriefing on our days and what is going on with the kids, but on us. Once we tell each other about what is going on in our daily lives apart from one another so as to keep each other from imploding, we will make a transition to being each other's best friend and partner. We will continue to date each other. We must continue to find time for intimacy and quality time away from the kids.
Please feel free to add tips/suggestions in the comments below. How do you keep your sanity as a stay at home mom?
~Hugs!
Friday, August 8, 2014
Jealous of formula feeding moms...Is it normal?
I am finding that even though I am overwhelmed with love and blessings by my children, I can't help but have twinges of jealousy when I hear about other moms and their experiences. They are posting daily on social media about all of the fun things they are doing, great foods they are consuming, and caffeinated beverages they are indulging in. I'm jealous. I'm jealous because I am a nursing mom of twins. My entire day is dictated by their nursing/napping schedule and it changes from day to day.
I actually had someone tell me recently, "Oh, you're nursing. How convenient. You can nurse anywhere." Less expensive? Yes. More convenient. No. Definitely not. It is rare that I find a decent, clean, and/or private place to nurse. I can't just throw a bottle and formula in a bag and be on the go all day. I can't drop my kids off at someone else's house and go party with my girl friends or have a date night with my husband. Yes, I can pump before going out to dinner, but I'm nursing TWINS! I have to pump multiple times to sustain them for a couple hours with someone else and while I'm gone, I'm miserable. Not because I miss my kids, because let's face it, we all need a break now and again from our kids, but because I get engorged and uncomfortable after just two hours. Seeing a movie at a theater is out. Staying through dessert is rough. Going farther than a few miles from my twins isn't an option.
I'm jealous because friends who've recently had a baby are out and about ALL OF THE TIME (or so it seems to me, as I am lucky to hit the gym for 45 minutes twice per week). I'm jealous because these same moms are checking in at Starbucks sometimes twice in one day. I'm jealous because they are wearing cute tops and their boobs aren't busting out of them. I'm jealous because they are getting more than two consecutive hours of sleep on a regular basis. I'm jealous because they are having date nights, girl's nights out, and trips to amusement parks. Hours at a time away from their kids. My twins are 20 weeks old and I haven't been away from them for more than two hours. EVER.
Don't take this the wrong way. I LOVE MY KIDS. I wouldn't give them up for anything. This is just a vent post and my way of asking...am I alone? Does it really get easier? Unless you've had twins and nursed them, don't tell me to "get them on the same schedule." That's almost as bad as someone asking me if my boy/girl twins are identical. My kids are two separate individuals. They each have their own personality. Trying to get them AND keep them on the same schedule is like trying to get blood from a turnip. I have one laid back child who takes FOREVER to nurse and one that acts like they are starving and must be burped regularly. This one also has acid reflux and a blood curdling wail that could compete with the annoying smoke detector when the batteries are running low. You know the feeling of that happening at 3am? I get to feel that way several times a day. Some days I feel helpless. Nothing seems to work. Some days, I can calm him immediately. Most days are hit or miss.
Yes, I am more blessed than most. I have a husband who is present in his kid's lives and helps when he can (he conveniently sleeps through their cries at night 90% of the time though...LOL!). He has blessed me with the opportunity to stay home with them this year. I have a mom who drives out regularly to lend a helping hand and let me get the weekly grocery shopping done and go work out a couple times per week. I have friends who have come over to hold a baby long enough for me to take a shower. Family members help entertain our four year old. God has given us the privilege of raising three beautiful children. No one said it would be easy. I know it will all be worth it. Thank you for letting me vent. Some of you may be shaking your heads criticizing me. These are my feelings right now at this time. I may not feel this way tomorrow. When I reflect back on this time years from now, it will all be a distant memory and I probably won't remember the sleep deprivation and frustrations as vividly as I do today. I do know that the love I have for my children will continue to grow and I have no regrets in choosing to nurse. They are getting "the best." When I look into their faces I am too, as I have been abundantly blessed...
I actually had someone tell me recently, "Oh, you're nursing. How convenient. You can nurse anywhere." Less expensive? Yes. More convenient. No. Definitely not. It is rare that I find a decent, clean, and/or private place to nurse. I can't just throw a bottle and formula in a bag and be on the go all day. I can't drop my kids off at someone else's house and go party with my girl friends or have a date night with my husband. Yes, I can pump before going out to dinner, but I'm nursing TWINS! I have to pump multiple times to sustain them for a couple hours with someone else and while I'm gone, I'm miserable. Not because I miss my kids, because let's face it, we all need a break now and again from our kids, but because I get engorged and uncomfortable after just two hours. Seeing a movie at a theater is out. Staying through dessert is rough. Going farther than a few miles from my twins isn't an option.
I'm jealous because friends who've recently had a baby are out and about ALL OF THE TIME (or so it seems to me, as I am lucky to hit the gym for 45 minutes twice per week). I'm jealous because these same moms are checking in at Starbucks sometimes twice in one day. I'm jealous because they are wearing cute tops and their boobs aren't busting out of them. I'm jealous because they are getting more than two consecutive hours of sleep on a regular basis. I'm jealous because they are having date nights, girl's nights out, and trips to amusement parks. Hours at a time away from their kids. My twins are 20 weeks old and I haven't been away from them for more than two hours. EVER.
Don't take this the wrong way. I LOVE MY KIDS. I wouldn't give them up for anything. This is just a vent post and my way of asking...am I alone? Does it really get easier? Unless you've had twins and nursed them, don't tell me to "get them on the same schedule." That's almost as bad as someone asking me if my boy/girl twins are identical. My kids are two separate individuals. They each have their own personality. Trying to get them AND keep them on the same schedule is like trying to get blood from a turnip. I have one laid back child who takes FOREVER to nurse and one that acts like they are starving and must be burped regularly. This one also has acid reflux and a blood curdling wail that could compete with the annoying smoke detector when the batteries are running low. You know the feeling of that happening at 3am? I get to feel that way several times a day. Some days I feel helpless. Nothing seems to work. Some days, I can calm him immediately. Most days are hit or miss.
Yes, I am more blessed than most. I have a husband who is present in his kid's lives and helps when he can (he conveniently sleeps through their cries at night 90% of the time though...LOL!). He has blessed me with the opportunity to stay home with them this year. I have a mom who drives out regularly to lend a helping hand and let me get the weekly grocery shopping done and go work out a couple times per week. I have friends who have come over to hold a baby long enough for me to take a shower. Family members help entertain our four year old. God has given us the privilege of raising three beautiful children. No one said it would be easy. I know it will all be worth it. Thank you for letting me vent. Some of you may be shaking your heads criticizing me. These are my feelings right now at this time. I may not feel this way tomorrow. When I reflect back on this time years from now, it will all be a distant memory and I probably won't remember the sleep deprivation and frustrations as vividly as I do today. I do know that the love I have for my children will continue to grow and I have no regrets in choosing to nurse. They are getting "the best." When I look into their faces I am too, as I have been abundantly blessed...
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