I was in Henderson, Texas with my best friend and her family awaiting the nuptials of her sister-in-law. It also happened to be said BFF's birthday so celebrations were in full swing. I went along to help watch her kids for the weekend so she and her husband could enjoy the festivities without having to worry about the littles and the kids wouldn't have to spend a lot of time at the church/reception. We stayed in a guest home above a garage and while the kids were napping I answered "the phone call." The one that would set things spinning in a new direction in our relationship as a couple. I could tell with the tone of his voice that something was on his mind. It was actually kind of cute to listen to him try to express himself and his feelings. I knew then that this was not something he did readily or with just anyone. I also knew that he needed to do it in his own way so I didn't press him. We talked about many things before he finally got brave enough to "spit it out." He tentatively told me that he had fallen in love with me. He didn't understand it yet, but he knew he missed me and couldn't stop thinking about me getting back home so he could see me. He was overwhelmed by how often he thought of me. Rest assured, I let him know that the feeling was mutual and he immediately relaxed. His tone became more laid back and playful. He could tell that I was not in fact going to run for the hills and block his number or move so he couldn't locate me. Ha!
This conversation didn't end there though. It was then that we had our very first "real" and "courageous" conversation. Having already openly discussed our past relationships I wanted to make sure that he was 100% ready to move forward in our relationship and was committed to it. It was then that I bravely asked him to go to his ex-wife to make sure nothing was still there. He was speechless for a minute. I actually thought the call was dropped and asked if he was still on the line. He was surprised that I would encourage him to talk to her about me. They had been apart for a long time and divorced for several years, but they have kids together and I did not want to get in the way of things if there was a chance that things could be mended. I also knew that this woman would be a part of our lives and that it would be important to have an amicable relationship. I didn't know a lot about her and hadn't met her yet in person. I'd only received a voicemail from her after our first date which indicated to me that she was A) a determined detective to have gotten my cell phone number to leave said vm considering I'd only known him for three days, and B) still holding on to some hope and sure that I was wasting my time. I didn't blame her then and don't now, because let's be honest, what woman doesn't hold on to a little hope that things will work out with an ex? I didn't know what would come of our meeting or how we would handle different situations when it came to her children and what co-parenting would look like with their son who was still in school if he and I did decide to move forward in our relationship. He agreed to talk to her if things continued to get serious with us and did within the month. I still get two different stories of how that conversation went...but one thing was and is clear, there is NO hope that they will ever "work things out" or have an amicable relationship. Shortly after this, I went out of the country for two weeks. It was then that it was decided that we couldn't be without one another and after three and a half months of dating, he proposed (spoiler alert: I said yes!).
So I made it my mission to be the bigger person and make things work between his ex and us. So far, I think I've earned a gold star. I always did (and still do) everything I can to encourage a healthy relationship with his older kids. I try to attend as much as possible with them. We attended his eldest son's soccer games regularly and even had him live with us when he requested it without hesitation. He probably still resents me for being the "involved parent" by contacting his teachers and staying on top of things but I don't regret it. I still hold on to hope that he'll realize I did so much for him out of love and come back to thank me one day. I have had to endure a lot and have heard a lot of negative and more often than not, been the go-between. I have taken the brunt of the hateful comments and derogatory remarks. I've learned to ignore the dirty looks from "that side of the family" as if I am the cause of their divorce or the "evil step-mother" when we have occasions to get together with his now grown kids. But at the end of the day, I am still very much in love with my husband and through it all, we have gotten closer and grown so much. We have been blessed in so many ways that all of that seems so small. It is just a drop in the bucket compared to positive and wonderful things that have happened for us since that first "I love you."
We have gone through three rounds of fertility treatments, each with a different outcome. We have three beautiful children that are the joy of my life. We have overcome every obstacle and far surpassed anyone's prediction of how long we'd last. I could blog pages and pages worth of the blessings and positive things that have happened for us over the past eight years. We continue to fall in love with each other everyday. My heart still flutters when he walks in the room. I anxiously wait for him to get home from work each day. He constantly does things that remind me of why I fell in love with him in the first place. He surprises me in new ways that make me fall deeper in love with him. We have become each other's rock. We rely on each other in so many ways and never hesitate to discuss things on our mind/hearts. He is a doting dad and dedicated husband. I am so glad he found the courage to tell me that he loves me on June 3, 2007. :) For the rest of forever my love...
