My BF days will soon be over for ever...

My twins are gradually weaning themselves from breastfeeding and it is bitter sweet.  I am both excited and a little bit sad.  I can't wait to have my boobs back but I know I'll never breastfeed a baby again.  So yes, I'm torn, but I will focus on the POSITIVE!

Baby girl has shown more of a disinterest lately than baby boy.  She would much rather a bottle (whether expressed breast milk or formula) whereas he prefers the breast over bottles right now and rarely takes to or finished formula.  She nurses two times a day while he nurses three.  This is significantly less than in previous months.  Now that they are eating a lot more they aren't requiring as much mama milk and therefor I'm never engorged or uncomfortable anymore (yay!). I will miss the cuddle time and intimacy of it but will continue to bond with them regardless so I feel no guilt.  I have provided so much for them through my breast milk in these past ten months and have enough frozen to last several weeks.  I will make sure they continue to get nutrient rich foods and formulas have come a long way so I know they will continue to get what they need regardless of whether it is directly form me or not.

I will however miss the fact that I burn calories (500+ per day) so easily while nursing and have to pay more attention to my calorie intake (boo!).  Maybe that gym membership will finally get put to good use...

A few positive reasons to continue to allow the twins to wean on their own:

1. My boobs will belong to me again!  I might even go out and buy new bras to celebrate.  I'm so ready to toss the nursing bras for good (can you say "unattractive?").  New shirts might be in order too.

2.  The twins (me too) are sleeping through the night now because we are giving them formula each evening before bed.

3.  I can have a girl's night (or date night) and drink wine/beer without wondering how much it is effecting my mama milk.

4.  I won't get my nipples caught between the vice grips known as teeth!  OUCH!
(Sorry, I couldn't exclude that one!)

5.  Making bottles is so much more convenient because not only can I take formula/bottles with me on the go, but others can help feed the twins!

Here, there, and everywhere...

When we had our twins, it was like that "New Car Phenomenon" where you all of a sudden spot your exact car make/model EVERYWHERE you go.  Seriously, every time I've purchased a new car, as I leave the lot, I see the same car and almost always the same color every where I go.  When I bought my Honda Civic Coupe I didn't know anyone who owned one...or so I thought.  Same phenomenon with my current car, a Chevy Traverse.  I see them every single time I am out and about and usually the same color as mine.  Does anyone else experience this?

Since having our twins, we experience the same thing.  Every where we go, we see other sets of twins/multiples.  I'm not just talking about when I intentionally get together with other families from my parent's of Multiples support groups.  I took our kids to the zoo last month, and it seemed we ran into other sets of twins at every turn.  I go to the mall, twins are being chauffeured in various double strollers in every direction.  Every one seems to know someone who has twins, is a twin, or is a distant relative of twins.  You'd be surprised at how many of these stories I've been told by complete strangers.

Now, there are still occasions where we go into a store and are treated as celebrities.  The "Oohs" and "Ahhs" are a constant. The comments of how full my hands are and how blessed I am happen every time we leave the house.  THAT will never get old.  Who doesn't love to have people admire their precious babies? 

I will say on behalf of ALL parents of multiples that what DOES get old, is the inappropriate and nosey questions that some STRANGERS feel entitled to ask.  Excuse me, but who are you to ask me if I struggled with infertility?  Who are you to ask if my babies are "Clo-med" babies?  Whaaaa? And, YES, they are natural.  Aren't all babies?  My twins aren't made out of plastic and stuffed with cotton for crying out loud.  One more thing, who was the science teacher that has you asking if my BOY/GIRL twins are identical?  Hmmm....

Ask any parent of multiples about the things they've heard and I'm sure they can give you a list of no fewer than 10 bizarre things they have been asked/told/commented on in regards to their babies.  If you are one of these parents, I'd love to hear from you in the comments section of this post! 

A Reason? A Season? A Lifetime?

I recently had a conversation with a friend that really forced me to dig deep emotionally and accept that some people really do enter our lives for a reason, some for a season, and a select few for a lifetime.  This particular person has been a friend since preschool.  We have had our ups and downs and even went several years at a time without talking or seeing each other.  We have been in and out of each other lives for going on 33 years now.  During different life stages and events in each of our lives we've touched base, gotten caught up, and have "checked in" on one another.  We both know that at the end of the day, we can always count on each other.  We have proven this to each other time and time again.  As we celebrated this about our friendship, we started talking about other relationships in each of our lives that have both lifted us up, and disappointed us.  We both admit that it is hard to accept that you've gone out of your way to help others and support them through certain life events, but when you need the support or help, those same people are silent, make excuses, or are no longer available or interested in you and your life events/stage.

The thing I find hard to accept is that I was "there" for others, helped raise their kids, and supported them through rough times, even taking them into my home if necessary to see them through their troubled times, and being their "wing man" as they searched for their significant others night after night and in hindsight wonder if I was just being used.  Was I a friend of convenience?  Was I placed in their lives for that reason?  Was I just meant to be there for their season of strife?  Or to them, was I simply their single friend with "no other obligations?" I saw them through bad relationships and beak ups.  I supported them through their times of joy and celebration.  I helped them when their kids were little.  I attended their functions.  I went to recitals and games for their kids... The whole of my twenties was about other people and their families.

Then at 29, I finally met my Prince.  It was my turn to get married and have a family.  I got down the aisle, said "I do" and they said, "See ya later!"   Our first year was rough.  We suffered the loss of a baby after months of fertility treatment (miscarriage at 10 weeks) and fought over whether we should try again.  It almost broke us.  We weren't sure we could handle another loss. It was the most emotional year of my life.  We took in my step son who resented me for being concerned for his success and staying active in his education and keeping lines of communication open with his teachers and school administrators.  We struggled with our relationship with my husband's ex wife and family, and I was desperately trying to build a relationship with my step daughter all while encouraging my husband to do the same.  Lets just say, it was a rough year.  These "friends" were not around and to this day don't know anything about what my life has been like for the past 8 years.  We were finally blessed with our first son in 2010.  These "friends" were not around.  We had twins in 2014.  These "friends" are not around.  I have "friends" who haven't even met my twins who will be 10 months old next week. They have only seen my (almost five year old) son a couple times at best.

It breaks my heart because these "friends" once meant the world to me (still do if I'm being honest).  I would literally give them the shirt off of my back if they needed it.  The hardest lesson for me to accept is that there are certain people that aren't meant to fit into my life no matter how much I want them to or how much I miss them.  I wonder, do they even know how I feel?  Do they miss me?  Do they even think about me?  Are they reading this and thinking, "Its not me she is referring to."  How do you cut your losses and move on when you feel like these people are taking a piece of you with them when they chose to exit from your life?  Why is it so hard to accept that if someone seriously wants to be a part of your life, they will make an effort to be in it without making excuses? 

I am so very thankful for the few close friends that I know I can count on regardless of age and/or life stages we are in.  I would rather have loyal and true friendships than fake ones that are built simply for convenience.  I pray that the Lord bless me with the discernment to realize the difference and the strength to let go and not look back.

Finding time to blog...

I'll just say it has been waaaaay too long since I last posted a blog.  I have a running list of topics and my mind is always thinking about my next blog post, but then I realize that I'd rather sleep than blog.  Or take a shower.  Or get the much needed chores done (okay, I'd rather blog than do the dishes or fold laundry, but those things aren't going to get done on their own.).  When I first started considering a blog, I thought I'd have all this time on my hands when the twins are sleeping.  Or that once they got to an age that they began to play and entertain themselves, I'd get to blog more.  Ha!  I even thought, hey, maybe I can make money off of blogging and get sponsorship advertisements attached to my blog.  I even searched Pinterest and Google for ways to make money blogging.  I even found a few posts from women claiming it was EASY!  Then you click on their link...and for the low, low price of 39.95, you too can learn the secrets to making money off of your blog posts.  Well, needless to say, I'm not paying anything and I'm not holding my breath for paychecks to start rolling in. 

I am however disappointed in myself for not keeping up with my blog better.  I get ideas all of the time.  Usually in the middle of the night as I lay awake or while nursing.  I plug them into my notes app on my iPhone and tell myself that I'll "make myself" sit down and blog tomorrow night...which becomes "tomorrow night," and so on...Needless to say, It doesn't happen.  I'm actually shocked I'm typing this now.  I did get a shower in this evening (Yay me!) and even loaded the dishwasher.  So I thought, okay, before I crash out, I REALLY need to blog.  I opened up my laptop and sat staring at the log-in screen for ten minutes.  I couldn't even remember my laptop login because it has been so long since I last booted it up.  After several failed attempts to get logged on and half an hour later, I had to have my husband go to our desktop and log in through the Microsoft website and reset our password.  With that being said, it is now past my bedtime.  I'm signing off.  Wish me luck on getting back to blogging tomorrow night.  My list isn't getting any shorter. LOL!