I actually had someone tell me recently, "Oh, you're nursing. How convenient. You can nurse anywhere." Less expensive? Yes. More convenient. No. Definitely not. It is rare that I find a decent, clean, and/or private place to nurse. I can't just throw a bottle and formula in a bag and be on the go all day. I can't drop my kids off at someone else's house and go party with my girl friends or have a date night with my husband. Yes, I can pump before going out to dinner, but I'm nursing TWINS! I have to pump multiple times to sustain them for a couple hours with someone else and while I'm gone, I'm miserable. Not because I miss my kids, because let's face it, we all need a break now and again from our kids, but because I get engorged and uncomfortable after just two hours. Seeing a movie at a theater is out. Staying through dessert is rough. Going farther than a few miles from my twins isn't an option.
I'm jealous because friends who've recently had a baby are out and about ALL OF THE TIME (or so it seems to me, as I am lucky to hit the gym for 45 minutes twice per week). I'm jealous because these same moms are checking in at Starbucks sometimes twice in one day. I'm jealous because they are wearing cute tops and their boobs aren't busting out of them. I'm jealous because they are getting more than two consecutive hours of sleep on a regular basis. I'm jealous because they are having date nights, girl's nights out, and trips to amusement parks. Hours at a time away from their kids. My twins are 20 weeks old and I haven't been away from them for more than two hours. EVER.
Don't take this the wrong way. I LOVE MY KIDS. I wouldn't give them up for anything. This is just a vent post and my way of asking...am I alone? Does it really get easier? Unless you've had twins and nursed them, don't tell me to "get them on the same schedule." That's almost as bad as someone asking me if my boy/girl twins are identical. My kids are two separate individuals. They each have their own personality. Trying to get them AND keep them on the same schedule is like trying to get blood from a turnip. I have one laid back child who takes FOREVER to nurse and one that acts like they are starving and must be burped regularly. This one also has acid reflux and a blood curdling wail that could compete with the annoying smoke detector when the batteries are running low. You know the feeling of that happening at 3am? I get to feel that way several times a day. Some days I feel helpless. Nothing seems to work. Some days, I can calm him immediately. Most days are hit or miss.
Yes, I am more blessed than most. I have a husband who is present in his kid's lives and helps when he can (he conveniently sleeps through their cries at night 90% of the time though...LOL!). He has blessed me with the opportunity to stay home with them this year. I have a mom who drives out regularly to lend a helping hand and let me get the weekly grocery shopping done and go work out a couple times per week. I have friends who have come over to hold a baby long enough for me to take a shower. Family members help entertain our four year old. God has given us the privilege of raising three beautiful children. No one said it would be easy. I know it will all be worth it. Thank you for letting me vent. Some of you may be shaking your heads criticizing me. These are my feelings right now at this time. I may not feel this way tomorrow. When I reflect back on this time years from now, it will all be a distant memory and I probably won't remember the sleep deprivation and frustrations as vividly as I do today. I do know that the love I have for my children will continue to grow and I have no regrets in choosing to nurse. They are getting "the best." When I look into their faces I am too, as I have been abundantly blessed...
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