Okay, so earlier this week I posted on social media that I was not sure whether or not I'd let others judge me in a swim suit for a birthday pool party we've been invited to today. I had some very encouraging responses to that post. People telling me that I look great and should rock the suit without worry about what others think of my post pregnancy body. I had several (even my wonderful mom) point out that a size 2 has nothing to hide. Here is the thing, even size two women have things they would like to change about themselves. We too have things we are self conscious of. This may be a surprise to some, but I am very self conscious of how I look since having our twins. Having grown up playing soccer and then later coaching, I was always pretty fit, or at least in decent physical shape. The truth is, I haven't worked out since getting pregnant the first time in 2008 when our infertility journey started. I jiggle in places I never did before. I don't have the toned legs that got me attention in my teens or the butt that got recognized in a tight pair of jeans in my twenties. My boobs sag. I'm ghostly white. I still have freckles that I prayed would disappear by the time I hit my thirties. I will look sickly for lack of make-up (maybe I'll paint in my eyebrows and opt for waterproof mascara so as to not scare the other kids) due to my complexion and propensity to wear sun hats when I go outdoors. Never mind that I haven't invested in a new swimsuit since we had our oldest, who is now 5. Pardon the outdated but hardly worn suit if you happen to be in attendance.
I have decided that I WILL wear a swimsuit and participate in the fun with my kids today at the party. My husband and I will each take a twin in the pool while monitoring our five year old as he conquers his fear of swimming underwater.
I won't be the most confident woman by any means. I will still be self conscious. I will garner attention from others for things completely opposite of what got me attention prior to motherhood. You've been warned!
WARNING:
I look better with my clothes on.
I will be that mom at the pool with crazy tan lines from time spent outside with my kids to enjoy our sandbox and backyard or the splash pad in shorts and a t-shirt.
I will be that mom at the pool with a little jiggle in her steps.
I will be that mom at the pool who lathers herself and her kids in sunblock because our red hair and pale skin warrants the use of SPF 50, hats, and rash shirts.
I will be that mom at the pool that has jacked up toe nails because she hasn't had a pedicure in almost two years.
I will be that mom at the pool who is constantly adjusting her suit to make sure she is covered as much as possible. Things tend to pop out of place these days.
I will be that mom at the pool who is trying not to make eye contact for fear of the judgmental stares that are sure to be reflecting back at me.
I will be that mom at the pool who wraps a towel around herself as soon as she steps out of the pool in hopes that no one sees me then rushes in the house to the nearest bathroom to put my clothes back on. Because lets face it, I look better with my clothes on.
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